Kristen Stewart recalls pressure while coming out and being 'cagey' in past relationships

Kristen Steward was labelled a "lesbian" at the age of 21, but only now that a decade has passed, she has been able to comprehend the pressure she felt at that time.

Kristen Stewart will soon appear in "Happiest Season," in which she plays a woman who plans to propose to her girlfriend, played by Mackenzie Davis, while at her family's annual holiday party but discovers that her partner hasn't yet come out to her conservative parents. In a recent interview with the film's director Clea DuVall for InStyle's November issue, the actress was asked if her own experiences drew her to the story, to which she responded with a yes.

"The first time I ever dated a girl, I was immediately being asked if I was a lesbian. And it's like, "God, I'm 21 years old," said the 30-year-old who identifies herself as queer. Her first relationship with a woman was with Alicia Cargile from 2014 to 2016.

"I felt like maybe there were things that have hurt people I've been with. Not because I felt ashamed of being openly gay but because I didn't like giving myself to the public, in a way. It felt like such thievery," Stewart said.

The "Twilight" alum recalled that she was "sort of cagey" during that time, and liked to protect her relationships from the spotlight even back when she was perceived as heterosexual. She said: "Even in my previous relationships, which were straight, we did everything we could to not be photographed doing things — things that would become not ours."

"So I think the added pressure of representing a group of people, of representing queerness, wasn't something I understood then. Only now can I see it," explained Stewart, who has been in a relationship with screenwriter Dylan Meyer for over a year.

The "Charlie's Angels" star celebrated her milestone 30th birthday in April this year while in quarantine amid the coronavirus pandemic. Talking about a major change she made for herself on that day (April 9), Stewart said: "I woke up that day and was like, 'You need to get your ass in gear.' I was drinking too much in the beginning (of the pandemic), so I stopped drinking and smoking."

"I'm embarrassed because it sounds really cliché, but, whatever, it's true," she admitted. Stewart further revealed that she instead utilised her isolation time by writing "Chronology," an adaptation of the book "The Chronology of Water" by Lidia Yuknavitch, which Stewart is directing as well.

"That's done. And I have three other projects I've been thinking about for a while but never touched. For the first time, they've all taken a massive jump forward," she said.