And if that doesn't tickle your fancy, enjoy your evening!
Here are the other scores around the Premier League:
Middlesbrough 2-0 Bournemouth
Tottenham 1-1 Leicester
Watford 1-0 Hull
West Brom 0-4 Man City
Full-time: Manchester United 0-0 Burnley
All over! One of the most surreal games of football you'll ever see. United should have scored about five, could have scored ten but instead scored none.
Incredible drama.
Rooney has missed another clear chance. A free-kick on the right is rolled to an unmarked Wayne Rooney and the captain skies the ball over the bar.
United have had enough chances to win ten games this afternoon.
Five minutes of time being added.
United have had 19 corners already today. That's right, 19. This has been an extraordinary game.
Ibrahimovic has just missed a golden chance at the back post, mishitting the ball from Pogba.
Hope of a goal appears to be dissipating around Old Trafford. To their credit, the crowd have not really voiced their disapproval with what's happened today.
Flanagan commits a handball and could get a second yellow... no, not on this occasion.
More goals are going in elsewhere around the Premier League and we'll bring you news of those at full-time.
Ten minuted left and Memphis Depay is set to be introduced. Can the Dutchman make himself a hero at Old Trafford?
Time and inspiration in short supply at the minute.
It's all happening at Old Trafford.
Ander Herrera is off! He gets a second yellow and... that's very unlucky. He slipped and brought the Burnley player down by accident. That is a poor decision. I'm not even sure if there was contact, to be honest.
This is getting silly now. United have hit the post and the bar with two separate attacks in two minutes. First Mata (shot) and then Zlatan (header).
To call this one-way traffic would be a massive understatement. If I was Tom Heaton, I'd buy a lottery ticket tonight.
Ibrahimovic takes off, kung fu-style, with a flying volley at the back post, but again, Heaton makes a wonder save! I've no idea how this is still 0-0.
United are absolutely hammering Burnley now. It's all last-ditch tackles and great saves from Tom Heaton as the Reds desperately search for the opening goal at Old Trafford.
Barnes has come on for Gray, who was feeling the pace, having not played a lot of late.
GOAL: Boro 2-0 Bournemouth (Downing)
It looks like Karanka's men are on their way to a valuable win at home.
Heaton is having a great game, saving well struck efforts from Mata and then Lingard.
Meanwhile, Jose Mourinho is pin-ponging around the stands at Old Trafford.
Arfield blazes a volleyed effort over the bar after a knocked down from Michael Keane. Burnley are posing a threat in this half, though.
Elsewhere...
Gray leads a counter-attack for Burnley, but Shaw makes a brilliant last-ditch tackle to save United's bacon. The away side thought they were in there.
Meanwhile, Wayne Rooney is warming up on the touchline.
Here's a story: Jose Mourinho appears to have been sent off for protesting the penalty decision late in the first half.
He's in the front row of the stand, and Rui Faria has replaced him on the touchline.
The players are back out and we're back under way.
Half-time: Manchester United 0-0 Burnley
The hosts have huffed and puffed - but are yet to blow Burnley's house down. More in a bit...
Darmian goes down under a challenge from Flanagan. United want a penalty, but nothing doing on this occasion.
Two minutes of time added at Old Trafford. A couple of goals have gone in elsewhere, and we'll bring you the half-time scores in a minute.
Ward is not able to continue. He's picked up a muscle injury and Jon Flanagan replaces him. Given his Liverpool connections, he is unsurprisingly booed by the Old Trafford crowd.
Two chances for United in two minutes, now. Pogba and Ibrahimovic combine - but the Swede's goal-bound effort is blocked by a defender on the line.
Then, Hererra hits a perfect cross into Lingard, whose header is flying towards the top corner before Heaton palms the ball behind.
Lingard and Rashford have swapped wings. It's just not happening for United at the moment after that fast start.
GOAL: West Brom 0-2 Man City (Aguero)
Pep's boys are back on track and it's the little Argentine again. This time, he's lashed it into the top corner from 30 yards.
Take a bow, Sergio Aguero.
Herrera has been booked for a late tackle. That's his third yellow of the campaign.
A Burnley breakaway leads to a corner, but Keane heads the ball over the bar and United survive a momentary scare.
United have dropped off the pace, allowing Burnley to get a foothold in the game. Lingard has just hit the ball straight out of play and Jose Mourinho is beginning to appear a little agitated on the touchline.
Zlatan commits a couple of needless fouls and for the time being, it's all gone a bit flat at Old Trafford.
Can sense the crowd is already becoming a little restless, especially after the Swede fluffed that big chance earlier.
Mata and Zlatan combine, before the Spaniard's goal-bound effort is well saved by Tom Heaton, who has already been busy this afternoon. United are knocking on the door, though.
GOAL: West Brom 0-1 Man City (Aguero)
United's cross-city rivals have hit the front - and it's you-know-who with the goal.
United's set-up this afternoon is interesting. Rashford is starting on the touchline, looking to come in field from their. Lingard, on the other hand, is starting much more infield.
A great save from Tom Heaton keeps the scores level. Mata pokes the ball through to Ibrahimovic, but his first-time shot is stopped by the United academy graduate.
The first real moment of quality, that, and it came from Juan Mata, who is looking to pull the strings for the Reds.
It's wave after wave of United attack at the minute, but they're not really creating anything clear-cut.
Rashford seeing plenty of the ball in the opening stages and is keen to run at the fullback at every available chance. Ibrahimovic is a very attractive target in the centre, too, given his height and strength.
Great one-touch football from United. Ibrahimovic, Rashford and Mata combine in the box, but the Spaniard's effort is easily held by Tom Heaton once again.
It's been a bright side from the hosts, though.
It's one-way stuff at Old Trafford, with United pressing for a confidence-boosting early goal. Burnley have barely had a kick, although that may be part of their gameplan.
Burnley get us under way at Old Trafford.
Mata finds Ibrahimovic after 25 seconds. The Swede avoids a couple of tackles, but shoots straight at Tom Heaton.
As we wait for kick-off at Old Trafford, we hope to bring you a bit more on that injury to Antonio Valenica - which has caught everyone by surprise - in a bit.
In case you missed it, the fullback has injured his arm and has been replaced in the side by Italian defender Matteo Darmian.
Anyway, the teams are in the tunnel and here they come.
It barely seems believable that Juan Mata is the United skipper this afternoon, as he was expected to leave Old Trafford following the arrival of Jose Mourinho. But he's knuckled down and been one of the Reds' better plays so far this season.
Besides the game at Old Trafford, we'll also be keeping an eye on the other 3pm games. They are:
Middlesbrough vs Bournemouth
Tottenham vs Leicester
Watford vs Hull
West Brom vs Man City
No space for Henrikh Mkhitaryan on the United bench again today, even though he's fully fit. We've been looking at the Armenian's situation during the week.
Yep, just confirmed by the club. Antonio Valencia has a fracture in his arm and will have surgery today. An unwelcome setback for Jose Mourinho, but it's an opportunity for Darmian to impress and perhaps, resurrect his United career.
As a reminder, then, Mourinho has made two changes to his team by recalling Darmian and Jesse Lingard. The Italian, in particular, is a surprise selection - but it seems Antonio Valencia may be injured.
By the way, you can follow the last few minutes of Sunderland vs Arsenal here. It's been some game, I can tell you that much.
Breaking team news
And what of Burnley? There's no Steven Defour for the away side at Old Trafford, which is a blow. He's failed to recover from his muscle injury in time.
It's a strong-looking United side this afternoon and they are being led by ... Juan Mata. Seems an odd one, that, but never mind.
Manchester United: De Gea, Darmian, Rojo, Blind, Shaw, Herrera, Pogba, Lingard, Mata, Rashford, Ibrahimovic
Team news from Old Trafford will filter though in the next few minutes. In the meantime...
Pre-match thoughts
Sean Dyche: "I look at the manager, the club, the players they've got and they're still a super strong group of people operating at the highest level. I'd be very surprised if this group of players is not still a very, very strong group and a group to be reckoned with over the course of the season."
Pre-match thoughts
Jose Mourinho: "Burnley is the same Burnley. It is the same manager, basically the same players, same philosophy, same profile of team and same mentality. We know it will be tough for us, especially because we come in with a run of five matches with two days in between. Finally we will have a Sunday off and a little bit of time until the Fenerbahce match."
Preview
Burnley defeated Everton 2-1 in the last fixture - but have a poor record away from home this season, having lost all of their three fixtures. In addition, they have conceded nine goals and managed to score only one in the process.
Today might just be the day to correct that, eh?
Preview
Manchester United bounced back following their 4-0 defeat at the hands of Chelsea in the league by defeating Manchester City 1-0 in the fourth round of the EFL Cup at Old Trafford. They have now progressed to the quarter-final and will face West Ham United at home.
Pep Guardiola's side failed to register even a single shot on target against the Red Devils, who had Daley Blind and Marcos Rojo as the central defenders. What can they do this afternoon?
Good afternoon and welcome to IBTimes UK's coverage of the 3pm kick-offs in the Premier League.
Manchester United vs Burnley will be our main focus, but we'll keep on top of the other scores, too.