Should Adult Children Be Financially Responsible For Their Parents? Here's Why Dave Ramsey Says 'No'

In an episode of The Dave Ramsey Show, financial expert Dave Ramsey and his daughter Rachel Cruze addressed a caller's question that raised complex issues about parental expectations and financial boundaries. The question came from Robert, a parent who had financially supported his children for years, only to face financial hardship himself due to unforeseen circumstances. Despite Robert's generous past support, his adult children declined to help him, citing Ramsey's own teachings on financial independence as a rationale for their decision.

Ramsey's response was direct: "Your children are not obligated to you just because you fed them and raised them." His advice aimed to challenge a common but often unspoken belief—that adult children "owe" their parents for their upbringing. Ramsey argued that expecting repayment for parenting is not only unreasonable but can also place unnecessary emotional strain on both generations.

Ramsey's Take on Parental Entitlement

Addressing Robert's frustration, Ramsey emphasised that raising children is a selfless act that should not create an expectation of financial repayment. "Your kids don't owe you anything for doing your job as a parent," he said, firmly refuting the notion of parental entitlement. Ramsey also pointed out that ongoing financial support can sometimes create dependency rather than fostering independence.

Supporting adult children financially into their 20s or 30s, Ramsey suggested, can lead to a sense of entitlement. For him, the ultimate goal of parenting should be to raise financially independent individuals, and he encouraged Robert to reflect on the boundaries he set—or failed to set—when his children first reached adulthood. Ramsey argued that enabling financial dependency for too long can lead to resentment, blurred boundaries, and unhealthy expectations.

A Growing Debate: Are Children Responsible for Their Parents?

While Ramsey advocates for strict financial independence, recent research from Pew Research suggests that many Americans hold a different view on family responsibility. According to a survey conducted in April 2023, 66% of Americans believe that adult children should have a significant responsibility to care for their ageing parents, either through direct caregiving or financial support. For example, CNBC reported on TV writer Ashley Ray, who was preparing to buy her dream car when her mother called to say that the family home was at risk of foreclosure. Ray ended up using the money she'd set aside for her car to help save her mother's home, even though it meant sacrificing her own plans.

In Ray's case, the decision to help her mother financially was complicated by a deep sense of family loyalty. "It was frustrating that I had to take care of someone who should be taking care of me," she told CNBC. Like Ray, many Americans feel the weight of caregiving responsibilities, which often intersect with financial sacrifices that can impact their long-term plans.

The Struggles of the "Sandwich Generation"

Many Americans today find themselves part of the "sandwich generation," adults who are financially supporting both their children and their ageing parents. According to a recent Policygenius survey, 66% of these individuals report feeling some level of stress in balancing their financial obligations for both generations. The struggle of trying to secure their own financial future while helping family members can lead to difficult trade-offs, often leaving caregivers financially stretched.

Financial planner Danielle Miura, who specialises in supporting the sandwich generation, believes in the importance of setting boundaries. "Especially as you get older, it's not like you have extra years to make up for lost savings," Miura told CNBC. She stressed that middle-aged adults, especially those nearing retirement, should prioritise their own financial stability to avoid relying on their children later.

Miura noted that, while caregivers often feel obligated to help their ageing parents, it's critical to remember that their children have more time to become financially stable. "If I'm dipping into savings to take care of my parents and myself, my kids can figure it out for themselves," Miura said, adding that younger generations generally have more time to recover financially.

Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Financial Future

Both Ramsey and financial experts like Miura agree that setting clear boundaries is crucial when navigating family financial expectations. Miura advises caregivers to think about a "Plan B" when they feel stretched beyond their financial means. For many, this could mean exploring government support, community resources, or professional financial guidance to help offset caregiving costs without jeopardising personal financial security.

When financial support for family members becomes unavoidable, it's important to establish clear expectations on both sides. For example, helping out with a one-time expense might not be an issue, but ongoing financial support can lead to more significant strain. As Ramsey suggested, one way to maintain healthy family relationships and prevent financial stress is to view any monetary support as a gift rather than a loan that requires repayment.

In the end, Ramsey's stance is clear: while family support is admirable, financial responsibility ultimately lies with each individual. By setting boundaries and making long-term financial health a priority, families can maintain their connections without falling into financial dependency or resentment.